It’s amazing how quickly a heart can fall in love, deep love, with someone you’ve never seen or met or touched. (I can’t say never talked to cuz I instantly started talking to all my tummy babies! lol)
And yet the love is overflowing and full, complete love, nothing missing, no reservations. The mind quickly changes thinking of future events and all the terrifying things come with motherhood. But you are ready to face them all, for the tiny baby you get to carry.
I was amazed at the amount of love and excitement that was attached to those two tiny lines on a test, the confirmation at the doctor’s office – and the sheer terror at the sight of blood only days after. It felt like my heart was ripped out and crushed in front of me.
I didn’t know other women had held the same until I started talking about it, I needed to listen to other experiences to heal.
I needed time to be angry.
I had to find a way to secretly mourn a death that no one else even knew about or could see.
I still cry sometimes.
I hear myself saying stupid crap to married couples – so when are you going to have babies, when are you going to start trying, when when when – WHEN I know nothing of their timeline and possible heartaches or trials. I try to apologize and backup up, tail between my legs. Knowing that hurt me so badly when I was asked the same, just two days after the bleeding started, someone asked those questions once again. I blew up, I yelled at the person started crying and left, leaving them wide-eyed and confused, leaving me still trying to hide the broken, no shattered heart.
It makes my heart happy when women can talk more about their heartbreak when we allow ourselves to be real, to hurt, to be angry, to question.
When we listen, when we have conversations of depth and of truth. I enjoy when we get to spend online time together when we get to connect over real things. The book “Heaven is For Real” changed my perspective of my miscarriages. It helped me drop the guilt that I did something wrong, it helped me heal up some of those broken pieces. It made me want to talk to other women, to help, to listen.
I’m here for you if you need to be heard, held or sat with.
For more stories, videos and resources shared by The Today show go to https://www.today.com/miscarriage