Let's Talk About: Miscarriage

It’s amazing how quickly a heart can fall in love, deep love, with someone you’ve never seen or met or touched. (I can’t say never talked to cuz I instantly started talking to all my tummy babies! lol)

And yet the love is overflowing and full, complete love, nothing missing, no reservations. The mind quickly changes thinking of future events and all the terrifying things come with motherhood. But you are ready to face them all, for the tiny baby you get to carry.

I was amazed at the amount of love and excitement that was attached to those two tiny lines on a test, the confirmation at the doctor’s office – and the sheer terror at the sight of blood only days after. It felt like my heart was ripped out and crushed in front of me.

I didn’t know other women had held the same until I started talking about it, I needed to listen to other experiences to heal.

I needed time to be angry.

I had to find a way to secretly mourn a death that no one else even knew about or could see.

I still cry sometimes.

I hear myself saying stupid crap to married couples – so when are you going to have babies, when are you going to start trying, when when when – WHEN I know nothing of their timeline and possible heartaches or trials. I try to apologize and backup up, tail between my legs. Knowing that hurt me so badly when I was asked the same, just two days after the bleeding started, someone asked those questions once again. I blew up, I yelled at the person started crying and left, leaving them wide-eyed and confused, leaving me still trying to hide the broken, no shattered heart.

It makes my heart happy when women can talk more about their heartbreak when we allow ourselves to be real, to hurt, to be angry, to question.

When we listen, when we have conversations of depth and of truth. I enjoy when we get to spend online time together when we get to connect over real things. The book “Heaven is For Real” changed my perspective of my miscarriages. It helped me drop the guilt that I did something wrong, it helped me heal up some of those broken pieces. It made me want to talk to other women, to help, to listen.

I’m here for you if you need to be heard, held or sat with.

– Jennifer

For more stories, videos and resources shared by The Today show go to https://www.today.com/miscarriage

Our Morning Jan 9th 2020

This morning was a calmer version of our normal. What a nice change lol.

Having a family funeral today, hubby worked from home and we were able to tag team the kiddos. Which made all the difference in our timing on school arrival! Oh! How good on time feels!

My son called into bed and started talking about the friends he brought with him around 6am. As difficult as it can feel at that moment what a beautiful tiny moment in our world. I’m sure there will be moments I’ll look back and miss those very early morning snuggles and chats about stuffed teddies.

House Dreams & Red Queen Mornings

I find myself so often daydreaming (visioning or manifesting if you will) how life would be different when we build on the property.

Yesterday, B and I would have turned left on 120th instead of right and I told her – she gets excited when we talk about the house. Although, sometimes she’s kinda disappointed that Daddy and I will be picking the colors and Red, Purple and Rainbow won’t likely be the colors for the exterior. 😃

Today, on my way back to the house after dropping off for school, I was thinking… if I was at my house – then I could fill up my coffee cup, start a load of laundry and go up to my office to start my work day. Yes, yes, this is often a similar situation while in our infirm state but it’s just not the same. Here I have to worry about waking someone up if I’m in the kitchen early, and I sometimes make coffee, but don’t want to be the only one to drink the whole pot of coffee. lol I often tell myself our mornings will be different when we move, but the largest change unless I change myself will be a longer drive!

Talk to me:

  • do you find yourself imaging those someday things in your life?
  • what are they? when will they happen for real?
  • AND are your mornings blissful and happy… or do you find yourself more like me, more the RED queen than the
    WHITE?? HA! #putyourflippingshoeson
  • how have you looked to or transformed your mornings

Making Small Changes, Makes Big Space

I have been slowly been following this plan in my head and decided it might be worth sharing that someone else might enjoy/need it besides me 🙂

This week’s decluttering challenge—

Declutter Mind, Day One

Unsubscribe from 10 email newsletters that you really don’t read. Don’t let that inbox clutter begin to clutter up your brain. Pick 10 and ditch them. Don’t spend more than 15 minutes on this, and take a deep breath in when you are done….

What will you do with all this open space in your mind now??

Hee, Hee – room for activities in very important!

Plan to Eat and Recently Added Recipes

I find when I have the right tools, I get the job done more efficiently each and every time! One of these tools that helps me through my #bestme type of week or month! is the simple to use and very cost effective membership at Plantoeat.com

Simple Meal Planning - Plan to Eat

So here are a few recipes I’ve added, printed from my MIL and I plugged them in so I won’t lose them in the #lessthanbestme piles in my personal office. LOL

Add to Plan to Eat
Click above to check out this #bestme tool on a free trial!

Savory Peach and Cucumber Salad

Soy Sauce–Marinated Grilled Flank Steak and Scallions

Charred Sweet Potatoes with Honey and Olive Oil

Charred Sweet Potatoes with Honey and Olive Oil

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Charred Sweet Potatoes with Honey and Olive Oil

We suggest using Japanese sweet potatoes for this recipe because they're starchier than yams (Whole Foods should have them). Plus, how to keep them moist when grilling.

Source: bonappetit.com

Course: Main Course

Yield: 8 servings

Serves: 8 Scale Update

Ingredients

  • 8 small or 4 large Japanese sweet potatoes
  • 60 mL olive oil divided
  • 60 mL honey
  • 60 mL white wine vinegar
  • Kosher salt
  • Flaky sea salt
  • Freshly cracked black pepper

Directions

  1. Prepare a grill for medium-high heat. Rub sweet potatoes with 2 Tbsp. oil and wrap tightly in foil—you can wrap them on their own or put 2 in each packet. Grill, turning every 5 minutes or so, until tender, 30–45 minutes. Unwrap and let cool slightly. (Or, steam in a basket set over a pot filled with 1″ of boiling water 30–35 minutes. If not using right away, let cool, then cover and chill until ready to grill—up to 2 days.)
  2. Meanwhile, bring honey, vinegar, and a big pinch of kosher salt to a boil in a small saucepan over medium-high (you can do this on the grill if you want), reduce heat, and simmer until just beginning to thicken, about 4 minutes. Keep warm.
  3. Cut sweet potatoes in half lengthwise. Rub cut surfaces with 1 Tbsp. oil total; season with kosher salt. Grill, cut side down, without turning, until lightly charred, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a cutting board and brush with honey glaze.
  4. Arrange sweet potatoes on a platter and drizzle with more glaze and remaining 1 Tbsp. oil. Season with sea salt and pepper.
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Soy Sauce–Marinated Grilled Flank Steak and Scallions

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Soy Sauce–Marinated Grilled Flank Steak and Scallions

Flank steak is flavorful but quite lean. Be careful not to overcook it (medium-rare is best) as it will become tough, and be absolutely certain you’re slicing it against the grain.

Source: bonappetit.com

Course: Main Course

Cuisine: American

Main Ingredient: Beef

Yield: 4 servings

Serves: 4 Scale Update

Ingredients

  • 45 mL extra-virgin olive oil divided, plus more for grill
  • 680 gram flank steak
  • Kosher salt freshly ground pepper
  • 1 bunch scallions trimmed
  • 60 mL mirin (sweet Japanese rice wine)
  • 60 mL soy sauce
  • 30 mL light brown sugar
  • 15 mL distilled white vinegar
  • 15 mL Sriracha
  • 10 mL toasted sesame oil
  • Toasted sesame seeds (for serving)

Directions

  1. Prepare a grill for medium-high heat; lightly oil grate. Pat steak dry and place on a rimmed baking sheet. Lightly score both sides of steak with the tip of a paring knife, making shallow parallel cuts (no deeper than an ⅛”) about 1″ apart and running across the grain of the meat (this will prevent the steak from curling as it cooks). Season generously all over with salt and pepper; let sit at room temperature at least 30 minutes and up to 1 hour.
  2. Meanwhile, toss scallions on another baking sheet with 2 Tbsp. olive oil to coat; season with salt and pepper.
  3. Whisk mirin, soy sauce, brown sugar, vinegar, Sriracha, and sesame oil in a medium bowl until sugar is dissolved; set marinade aside.
  4. Pat steak dry again (the salt will have drawn out more moisture) and rub with remaining 1 Tbsp. olive oil. Grill scallions, turning often, until tender and charred in spots, about 1 minute. Return to baking sheet. Grill steak, turning every 2 minutes or so, until medium-rare, 6–8 minutes. Transfer to a cutting board and let rest 10–15 minutes.
  5. Thinly slice steak crosswise and arrange on a rimmed platter; drizzle all of the juices that have collected on the cutting board over. Arrange grilled scallions on top of the steak, then pour reserved marinade over. Let sit at least 15 minutes and up to 1 hour before serving. To serve, sprinkle with sesame seeds as desired.
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